The art of sewing was basic training for young girls growing up in the Midwest of the 1950s. In my mother's eyes, sewing and typing were important survival skills. Passing on the family traditions, she ensured I was outfitted with a reliable sewing machine and the skills to use it. My love of sewing, embroidery and quilting accompanied me along with my Sears Kenmore as I ventured into the greater world in the early '70s.
In the early 2000s, I lived in Kona, Hawaii, where I taught voice, led sound healing workshops, recorded, swam with dolphins and sang with whales. While swimming and diving, I noticed that I couldn't coordinate the left side of my body with the right. Extreme fatigue set in, unexplainable aches and pains made walking difficult and general stiffness took over. For several years I saw numerous medical practitioners before I was finally diagnosed with PD in October of 2009, bringing radical change to my life. I relocated to Portland and became very active in various support groups locally and internationally. I was doing all I could to find a miracle cure. After several years of attending and presenting at numerous events, I burned out. It was "all Parkinson's, all the time" and I just couldn't do it anymore. There were people in my life who were important to me who did not have Parkinson's. My diminishing energy demanded that I explore how to live a productive, all-inclusive life with Parkinson's.
My daughter's pregnancy kindled my urge to make a quilt for the new baby. Unsure of how my sewing abilities were affected by PD, I consulted with an accomplished quilter friend, who provided a simple pattern with some basic instruction, enabling me to finish the quilt in time for my grandson's first birthday.
Along the way I discovered that hand stitching was almost impossible for me, my cutting skills were unreliable, and my stamina for sitting at the machine was variable. Fortunately, there's been a revolution in the world of quilting - PRE-CUTS! Fabric design lines are bundled and cut into a variety of sizes. I can start with a pre-cut package and develop my piece from there. Sometimes I stick with a pattern and sometimes I explore a free-form method.
Accuracy in the ability to sew a 1/4" seam is essential in making a technically perfect quilt. The lay of the quilt design is affected by the ability to sew straight and to iron in a way that doesn't stretch the fabric. Places in the design where corners meet need to be carefully nested so that the resulting quilt piece doesn't bulge. A sewer needs a certain amount of dexterity to accomplish this. Thanks to PD, I do not have that dexterity.
As PD slowly makes its way with me, my awareness turns to the impermanence of all things in the physical world. It helps to let go of the need for perfection in its many forms - the perfect body, the perfect fashion statement, the perfect vocal performance, the perfect presentation, the perfect relationship. Everything is in the process of falling apart. If there is any hope for happiness, then I must look deeper to discover a place of peace-filled connection.
Making quilts has provided an excellent avenue for this practice. As I let go of the need for perfection, I focus on the colors and the feeling of the quilt being created. Sometimes the quilt "talks" to me, informing me of who will receive the quilt. If the quilt is intended for a specific person, I might receive messages about the person. As the quilt comes together in both its perfections and its imperfections, I continue to focus on harmonizing the feelings that are being stirred up. At completion, I can see the imperfections and feel embarrassed by the mistakes. I do what I can to humbly offer the quilt even with its imperfections. Amazingly, the one who receives the finished quilt, does not seem to see the "faults", expressing their enthusiastic appreciation for the beauty of the piece.
The process of piecing together a quilt helps me to understand the essential nature of creation and to gracefully absorb, accept and appreciate the Parkinsonian process of falling apart and piecing life back together in its adjusted form until it re-enters another creative cycle.
